A schoolboy (Tomari Hinowa) gets called to the staff room. "The one you're going to marry has been decided!"

CREEPINESS FACTOR OF TOMARI = high, but unintentionally. Hinowa has alien eyes and disconcerting two-colour hair. He's a bit unsettling.

The episode's second half is all closing credits, most of which involve dancing supernatural beings. One of them is the happy blob who'll marry Tomari. It's a sort of bear-sized guinea pig.

CREEPINESS FACTOR OF BLOB = absolutely none. It looks adorable.

This could be amusing.

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure always sounds fantastic. The insanity, the camp, the crazy ideas, etc. Apparently the next episode of this particular series has the protagonist ripping off his own arm and throwing it at someone just to punch him slightly faster. How can you not love that? However I've never liked the show's actual episodes, which are full of musclemen delivering their lines like a parody of macho anime.

I wasn't expecting much here... but, to my surprise, my fears didn't come true!

GOOD NEWS: no one here fits these stereotypes.

BAD NEWS: instead, the show's found a different way to stop me from watching. Our hero, Giorno Giovanna, is a criminal who steals money from tourists, gets involved with the mob and rips off a tiny superpowered Dragon Ball refugee who's just arrived from Japan. (We're in Naples. The show's opening montage has bag-snatching, a drug deal and corrupt cops. Giorno strolls past without batting an eyelid.) On the upside, though, our anti-hero's polite and does small nice things for people, even when he's about to lighten their wallets. He buys ice cream for a child.

Your response to this show will depend on Giorno. Do you think he's a likeable rogue with a heart of gold? Unfortunately I didn't give a damn about him and I'll be avoiding his adventures. (Apparently a later episode has a "torture dance".)

I love the fashion statements, though. Giorno wears a skintight purple jumpsuit with a cleavage window, eagle-wing collars, a pony tail and a three-doughnut hairstyle. We're also told that he's fifteen years old, which seems less realistic than his ability to turn your luggage into a magic frog. Fundamentally, though, this is yet another example of me being unable to get into JoJo. The show has lots of fans, so feel free to ignore me and check it out.