The (real) city of Fukuoka is full of hitmen. 3% of its population are assassins.

...which is where I lost interest. The show's already too stupid to care about. Consider the numbers. Fukuoka is Japan's sixth largest city, with 2.5 million people.

IN THIS SHOW: 75,000 of those people are professional hitmen, with murder being so lucrative that it has its own major corporations, e.g. "Red Rum Inc". Who are they killing? If each assassin committed one murder a week, they'd wipe out the city in eight months. (They look far busier than that, incidentally.) Who'd choose to stay in such a place? Why do so many people have enemies who pay to have them killed?

Also, the episode starts with people who: (a) steal ten million from their employers, despite living in Moron Murderville, and then (b) let into their flat a suspicious cross-dresser with a weapon.

Too Dumb To Live.

Oh, and another assassin, waiting in his target's apartment, answers the door to two neighbours. He's not even planning to kill them. He's just too nice to realise that Witnesses Are Bad (although presumably that the police are useless).

IN REAL LIFE: Japan's murder rate is about one per 500,000 people. That's about 250 a year. If there were 75,000 assassins, their average kill rate would have to be less than once every 300 years.

So, it's absurd. Even accepting that, though, it's still not good. I didn't care. The cast range from "scumbag" and "rapist man-child" to "apparently nice, but an idiot and a professional killer". I've seen people compare this show (unfavourably) to Baccano! and Durarara!!, which I don't like either.

If you can swallow the stupidity and raise a flicker of interest in the vile cast, maybe you'll enjoy this double-dealing crime caper. Personally, though, I found it dull and brainless.

Hakumei and Mikochi are 9cm tall and live in the forest. They ride beetles, which Mikochi's not enthusiastic about. They go into town. It's sweet, restful and relaxing.

Nothing about this show matters. It's iyashikei, i.e. plotless but nice. It's the televisual equivalent of going happily to sleep.

It's actually quite chunky, compared with other NHK small children's shows. It shares their audience, but has episodes, stories and characters.

The cast mostly comes from Japanese mythology. There's a teru teru bouzu, i.e. a doll you hang up to ask the rain to stop. Our hero is a kappa (a river creature with a bowl on its head), but this one's bowl contains a magic flower that sprouts things. This time it's a bean pod. Hana Kappa becomes a walking beanstalk and is upset when the pod splits and beans come out.

Next time, his flower will grow broomsticks. If you're under eight years old, this is a simple but pretty good show.

It's a sports anime that engaged me even less than most. It has badminton. An intense match is taking place between schoolgirls who need to buy sports bras. There's a Very Serious Mood.

About badminton.

I fast-forwarded. Apparently the manga's light-hearted, but the anime's much darker and more dramatic, with the characters made more unpleasant. (I won't be finding out for myself, but I pass on the information.)

Holy shit.

The first ten minutes scared me. This show has a reputation, but that's not why you'll be getting nervous. Satou Matsuzaka is a warm-hearted, beautiful girl who wants everyone to smile and has given her heart to a special person... who's a very small child (Shio). Um. They're holding a fake wedding ceremony together, despite only having met a few days ago. Where are Shio's family? Is Shio going to school, or even being allowed outside? Then there's the small matter of a pre-credits scene of Satou and Shio committing lovers' suicide by jumping off a burning building.

That'll be a flashforward from the final episode and the rest of the series will be building up to it.

"This is the story of our love."

Those first ten minutes were harrowing because you're waiting for the shoe to drop. Satou's lovely and hard-working. She's surrounded by nice people. Then, though, she starts a new part-time job and things go bitchy. That's almost relaxing, in a dark way, because you think you know where you are at last. Presumably someone will get what's coming to them.

Nope. The episode trumps that.

It's about love. Satou thinks she's found love for the first time and she keeps thinking about it. There's love education, involving both her and a baddie who's basically her mirror. (Well, I say "education". Maybe I should say "misconceptions". Frightening ones.)

"Hello, happy sugar life!"

It's a sports anime, about beach volleyball. Will that get boring or not? Well, it's about jumping in swimsuits on a tropical beach, so at least it passes the "looks like fun" test.

What's more, I enjoyed the episode. The cast are nice. There's a tall girl (Haruka) who's not too bright, but is full of enthusiasm and willingness. Her cousin (Kanata) is small and has history with Narumi, an intense girl who takes her beach volleyball alarmingly seriously and might slap you down if you say the wrong thing. There's a lot going on under the surface.

We learn some differences between beach volleyball and ordinary volleyball. (This isn't information I need, but I approve of the anime's enthusiasm in explaining things to us. It's educational, which is cool.)

The camera's drawn to the swimsuits, unsurprisingly.

It seems nice. I like the cast. There's some emotional depth. I'll see how it goes.

It's reasonably good, for what it is. The cast are wannabe voice actors at Voice Actor School. It's realistic, i.e. drab, faintly unpleasant and devoid of job security.

There's a bloke in cheap student accomodation and a girl who sounds good but secretly thinks she can't cut it. I can recognise the truth of what the show's saying. However I didn't feel the need to watch more of it.

It begins with an action sequence with no emotional context and no audience interest. It's trying to be a Hollywood action movie, including the spastic editing. It's set in London and I was reminded of 007, so the hero's called James Blood. He works for the SSC (Special Service of Crime Police), presumably to distinguish it from other police services that don't fight crime.

It's very Netflix. It's sort of dully competent, but it's doing nothing to distinguish itself from chewed-up cardboard.

It's surprisingly good. I'd tried this franchise before and thought it looked like tripe, but this was fun. Rampant sleaze, though.

There's an ep.0 as well as an ep.1. Which counts as the first episode? I watched both. Our hero is Issei, a schoolboy who's trying to rescue one of the girls in his harem from Beelzebub. In Japanese, this becomes Beelzebubu with a slightly amusing "bubu".

Anyway, that's like a normal show. There's one ridiculous panty shot, but otherwise it's good anime adventure. Hero fights villain, while he's grieving and in pain because he couldn't save the girl. Issei turns into a dragon. (Hey, it's anime.) He wins the battle, but at the price of being a mindless walking apocalypse that might doom the world.

The show then returns to comedy sleaze. (It's funny because it's so over-the-top.) "Is there anything that can snap him out of his rampage?" Yes: boobs! They sing a Boobs Dragon Song and everyone tells Rias to go topless to save the world. "Now's the time, Rias! You're the only one who can save Issei-kun. He craves your tits! Groping your nipples is what caused Balance Breaker to take effect before! You can do it with your tits, Rias!" Ultimately she accedes, returning Issei to his usual teenage self. Hurrah! The world is saved! In the TV version, this is censored. In the Blu-rays... well, a different huge-breasted girl falls out of her top for every episode's ad break. There's also a girl called Orphis with an open blouse and taped nipples. (Don't do google image searches for this show at work.)

Ep.0 was entertaining. I laughed. However I suspected I'd struck lucky, so I tried ep.1 and was confirmed in my belief. Girls keep shoving their boobs in Issei's face and trying to have sex. (Mostly successfully, sometimes in a group session.) You'll only have to wait four seconds to see nipples.

The show's interestingly odd. It's a theological mish-mash, with angels assisting Hell in a mythos that also includes Norse gods (Odin) and Ouroboros. There's the potential for a strong plot. However it's mostly about boobs.

Two schoolchildren (Haruo Yaguchi and Akira Oono) are playing computer games in 1991. Remember Street Fighter II, for instance? Yes, that's here. It hasn't even been name-changed to avoid having to pay the rights owners. It's Capcom's Street Fighter II, including analysis of the difference between Zangief (Oono's choice) and Guile (Yaguchi's) and how you can play dirty with them.

They get gloriously detailed with that. The nerd flag is flying high and proud, which is charming.

The animation's cheap CGI. It looks poor, but good enough. I believed in the characters, while the only action is 1991 pixels. Also, more importantly, it's likeable. Yaguchi's a lowlife with no talent but computer games, while Oono's a Little Miss Moneybags who never speaks. Instead, she grunts, sighs and snarls. They're fairly difficult people, but they're also getting to know each other and the lollipop scene was endearing.

It's nice. It's also had three OVA episodes and a second season, so it's successful. Netflix released it, but don't let that put you off.

Apparently this is really good, with an off-the-wall sense of humour. Dropping it sounds like my loss. However, I couldn't be bothered with:

(a) cheap CGI animation. Mind you, there are occasional hand-drawn still images, either as a flashback or an imagine spot.

(b) its bad start. The pretentious older sister made me want to fast-forward. I also wasn't that interested in the next character (another sister, who's unlucky in love). The humour's strained and the tsukkomi's too blatant.

Apparently this show combines semi-scripted scenes and full improvisation. I'm sure it improves. I've seen enthusiastic praise of the show as a whole. Oh, and one of the characters clones herself dozens of times at the end with her psychic powers. I probably should have stuck at this one for longer... but what the hell.

Nitta is a reasonable man with a big apartment and an art collection. He likes vases. He's a yakuza, but a cultured, non-thuggish one.

Hina is a young telekinetic who drops out of thin air, on to his head. She's in a metal egg and can't get out of it by herself. He helps her, so she rewards him with arm-twisting or by smashing art treasures unless he obeys. Suddenly, Nitta's effectively a dad. His new pseudo-daughter is bad at shopping (i.e. expensive), but a godsend when it comes to physical force. Hina's also puzzled by her adopted father, in ways that suggest a dark background. "Even though he's an adult, he doesn't give me instructions. I don't have to fight. This is a strange world."

This episode was fun, with the Hina-Nitta relationship being a good source of comedy. However, there's also deeper stuff going on. Both Nitta and Hina believe in obeying orders, for instance, and are likeable, sympathetic people from sinister worlds.

I've heard a lot of praise for this show. Looks good so far.

I really enjoyed that! That was a thoroughly entertaining episode. However it's still a sports anime (about sumo) and I remember Rowdy Sumo Wrestler Matsutaro.

Hinomaru Ushio is our hero. He's a positive, cheerful schoolboy with red hair, a grin and no fear. (Huge thugs have moved into a school's sumo dojo? He'll challenge the biggest one, who's also a karate champion.) He wants to be a champion sumo wrestler and he's not deterred by the minimum height requirement. He'll make up for that by training until his body's like granite. Eh?

No, he's not too bright. He's looking for a particular high school, but even with a map he fails twice and ends up at Odachi High instead. That doesn't bother him, though, and he immediately makes a friend. That's Shinya Ozeki, who's fat, kind and cowardly, except when bravery is required on a friend's behalf. In his own grovelling way. Ozeki's admirable. He and Ushio are both sumo-crazy, obviously.

Even the title sequence is fun, if violent. (Slapping's part of the sport, but the headbutt? Ushio, calm down.) I enjoyed the theme music, while the show has a broader range of physical types than usual. Well, it's sumo.

Sports anime fans should definitely try this. Ushio's awesome. Personally I'm still dropping the show, since I'm pretty sure it'll be full of sumo and people being hot-blooded about it. Nonetheless, though, I was impressed. It's great fun.

I didn't like ep.1 of Season 1 in 2016. This is a big improvement, but I still can't be bothered.

There's an upcoming Raten Taishou, which a tournament or something. (I'd like to think that it's the tiddlywinks world championship, or maybe pooh sticks.) Lots of men have Very Serious Conversations about who's invited which people and why.

"I see you're the one who benefited most from the war."

"Their pursuit of the Tsuutenroku will throw the event into chaos."

I enjoyed the fight/training scene. That boy and girl are fun when they're chatting. There's also a band of baddies who use a lust spell to make men kill people. "I killed my father!!!"

It's perfectly watchable. I didn't mind this episode and occasionally I even liked it, but I don't care about most of the cast and I'm expecting lots of fighting in the near future. The show's improved, though.

It's an episode of two halves.

GOOD: Aoi Mashiro is a timid schoolgirl, working part-time at Kiyotaka's antique shop. We see how she got started and what kind of relationship she has with the brilliant Kiyotaka.

AVOID: the antiques. That's ominous in a show about an antique appraiser and his antiques shop. The Antiques Roadshow scenes are okay, but the counterfeiter scene is hackneyed. Unfortunately, the end of the episode promises more of the same.

I'd have watched a show that focused more on Aoi, though.

Daisuu draws manga, has always lived alone and isn't good with people.

Myou is a magical cat boy who lives with him and is (in Daisuu's opinion) impossibly cute. They go shopping and the episode builds up to Daisuu pulling Myou's face inside his jacket. If they're not in bed together by the end of the series, this episode was false advertising.

It's based on a Chinese web comic. Looks fine. Perfectly normal BL fangirl bait.

The character designs say "kiddie show". It's not far off Teletubbies. It's all-CGI, with three cats in waistcoats, a talking seagull in a sailor's cat, etc. Of the three cats, Blue Jacket wears glasses, Red Jacket has a sheriff's star and Orange Jacket never opens his eyes and only thinks about food.

The actual show, though, is less kiddified. It's based on a mobile phone game and has some quite sophisticated CGI effects (e.g. the stormy sea). The cats visit a desert island, search for food, dance around a fire on the beach, etc. It's watchable.

However:

(a) the cats find a mine cart and zoom along railway tracks. On a desert island?

(b) Blue and Red explain that there aren't any beds on the desert island and that they'll have to build everything themselves. Orange is aghast. In a kiddie anime like this, he's just stupid. Anywhere else, he'd be mentally deficient.

Demon Lord whatsisface (Diablo) is a legendary MMORPG player who commands his game world with overwhelming gear and skill. He can crush all opposition. He's level 150. He's the hero of yet another anime that's more interested in wank power fantasy than in meaningful storytelling! He's also about to visit an isekai (fantasy world) for real. This is the usual nonsense... but with a surprisingly entertaining protagonist. He looks and talks like an all-conquering warlord, but inside he's a pathetic hikikomori loser. "How am I supposed to talk to girls! How long has it been since I spoke to anyone? Wait, have I ever spoken to anyone? I can only remember playing by myself for all my life!"

I enjoyed the gap between his inner and outer voices, which his voice actor takes to entertainingly silly places. "Man, this guy's scary! Was I really being that high-and-mighty? But I can't help it. I can't talk at all if I'm not in character!"

He also doesn't know what to do with girls. Are they like stray cats? On the upside, though, he's genre-savvy. "The problems this girl's facing are important to the storyline!"

All that's good. Diablo's a laugh... but the show's embracing every cliche in sight. Our hero can crush all opponents like bugs and it's still only ep.1. The opening credits promise a harem anime with boobs. (The fanservice is blatant enough to have censorship light beams that won't be there in the blu-rays, but that version doesn't have nipples either.)

Also, Diablo acquires two slave girls. They summoned and tried to enslave him, but he's wearing a Ring of Magical Reflection.

I enjoyed the show. I'll keep watching. I have no shame.

This show was on Best of the Season lists. Everyone calls it adorable. I'm looking forward to it.

Sora Kashiwagi lives with his sister, who's currently holed up in her bedroom with her computer and a deadline. Their father's been travelling abroad for years and occasionally sends them "cute presents" (aka. murderous supernatural monsters).

One day, he sends Sora a mummy. Sora's wants to return it to Egypt, but it's only 12 cm tall. It's a white blob that would be in mortal danger if it met a cat. Surprisingly, it eats and drinks. It also cries, although it can't talk, and it really wants to stay with Sora. It's also funny, e.g. when tripping on absolutely nothing and falling down with a little plop sound.

The episode's nice. I wouldn't rate it higher than that. It's not adorable or the Greatest Thing Ever, but it's still early days and the title sequence promises more tiny monsters later. I expect I'll enjoy this.

I'm not wild about this show. The concept I like, but (like Zetsubou-Sensei) it's a plotless show that's capable of seeming like an animated stand-up comedy routine. I'd have preferred it in a short form. Four-minute bites would have worked. Full-length episodes, though, make it more of a problem that nothing ever goes anywhere or changes. (It's Hell.) No one has any motivation, except unimportantly for comedy. The show's modestly amusing and full of cultural references for a Japanese audience, but I watched one season back in 2014 and that will suffice for me.

Hozuki holds job interviews. The first chap wants to be a torturer. "And what kind of torture instruments would you like to use?" Our hero accepts everyone, often on flimsy grounds. (Two candidates he accepts for being respectively a hot babe and a man with a scary face.) The show does this kind of thing all the time. It's mildly surreal, but not actually funny.

A scene about telephone fraud is one of those stand-up routines. (Those fraudsters are a thing in Japan. "Granny, it's me!" says the fraudster, without even knowing anyone's names. "I need some money!") In fairness, though, I laughed when they were being rude about the Stripping Hag. "Isn't she just being a disgraceful old bat?"

Animals chat in the cafeteria, then later Hozuki visits a restaurant with a special offer. Eat everything in twenty minutes and it's free! That didn't make me laugh either. This show's tone is deadpan, with a side order of "surreal and cute-creepy". I have residual fondness for this show and I don't mind it, but it gets dull if watched regularly.