Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha is a landmark but badly written magical girl franchise, aimed at men and best-known for its spectacular fight scenes. I'm not a fan, but so far this latest incarnation is looking good. Unfortunately it's based on a manga written by Masaki Tsuzuki, but at least the screenwriter is someone else (Naruo Kobayashi).

It's a magical girl show starring Nanoha's adopted daughter, Vivio. It's a happy family of three: Vivio, Nanoha and Fate. "Dinner together with two mothers is somehow strange, but fun." Vivio's now ten years old, i.e. slightly older than Nanoha herself when the franchise started, and this is her story. She's taken over the protagonist role from Nanoha, which is the best news I've heard all day.

Vivio goes to school. She talks to her friends. Absolutely nothing happens, if you don't count yet another magical practice battle. (This franchise thinks it needs a fight scene every episode, but isn't too fussed about these being meaningful.)

In short, it's softer, gentler and more slice-of-life than usual for Nanoha, so I enjoyed it. It's a traditional magical girl show. I was even wondering if the franchise might have decided to retarget itself at the genre's traditional demographic, but no. Fridays at 22:30. Nonetheless it's quite nice, with understated cameos from old friends and a look at Vivio's Adult Transformation Sequence. That's a bit startling, but we saw it in StrikerS, so it's okay. Besides, if I were a ten-year-old girl watching this (at 22:30), it would probably blow my mind with pure awesome.

So far it looks good, which is stunning for anything with "Nanoha" in the title. I'm optimistic.

EPISODE ONE

I honestly haven't decided whether or not to continue with this. So far, it's okay. I've got no idea what it wants to do and it's not particularly funny, but it's okay. It has gratuitous comedy violence, so that's something. Here's a plot summary.

1. A "super-cute" llama made of marshmallow kills a girl after she'd cheerfully assured her friends that she was in no danger.

2. Three friends have only three grains of uncooked rice each for dinner. They use their magical powers either to cook the rice in their bare fists or to conjure up mayonnaise.

3. A dog gets metamorphosed into a walking food item and tries to bite off its owner's hand for more deadpan blood-spraying comedy.

4. The closing credits do something that reminds of a Sana-chan song from Kodocha.

If you don't think that doesn't make any sense, you're not alone. I also see it's the third instalment in Choborau Nyopomi Theater after Ai Mai Mi. Same director. I remember Ai Mai Mi: Mousou Catastrophe ep.1 didn't make any sense to me either. However I'm tempted anyway, since thirteen of these mini-episodes would only take three quarters of an hour.

EPISODE TWO

I've decided. Ditch it.

Firstly, they break the fourth wall. A lot. Without being funny. The main characters are holding auditions for a supporting character in this anime.

Secondly, the only dramatic elements are parodic. You're not even meant to care. That's not the point. It's just randomness for its own sake, e.g. people coming to the audition wearing baguettes on their wrist.

The episode structure is the same. Again we begin with that fluffy animal and end with a song as not-Sana-chan gets drawn on a board. However nothing here appeals to me. I haven't yet noticed much difference between the three main characters. Even at only three and a half minutes, it's not worth the time investment.

To quote Crunchyroll, who are streaming it:

"If you are lonely sleeping alone at night, then this show is for you! A first-person anime, each episode features a different boyfriend who sleeps beside the viewer each week. With 12 different personalities and ranging from a stall vendor to a librarian boy, there is surely a boyfriend for every viewer!"

I think that describes the show admirably. There's no plot. Nothing happens. It's just a boy talking intimately to camera for four minutes about how he might be willing to sleep with you tonight, if you want. Would you like a massage? What body parts would you like him to fondle? This episode's boy (Merry) looks young and talks childishly, with a slight touch of tsundere.

To be watched by anyone who wants to fantasise about having a boyfriend. "You can hold me a little tighter tonight, if you want."

The title makes it sound super-exploitative, but it's not. It's quite interesting. So far it appears to be addressing female sexuality from a female point of view, instead of trying to turn it into male fantasies. It's also doing the 15th century pretty well and showing the women (i.e. witches) seeing the men's war as nothing but a nuisance that they're actively sabotaging. They don't care which side wins.

Our heroine is Maria, a pretty teenage witch in France. She's a virgin and we briefly meet a bloke she thinks is quite nice, called Joseph, but despite this her approach to sexuality is practical. She doesn't really care about it. She's briefly naked a few times in the episode, but in a discreet way that's more about character establishment than showing flesh. Towards the end of the episode, she says she's not interested in sex and that she'd do it with anyone, anywhere, like a dog. (However she's also clearly lacking in sex education and so doesn't really know what it all means.)

She also uses a succubus called Artemis to sabotage the war effort. Artemis wears nothing but stripper bandages and has a sore jaw from performing too much fellatio, but all those men were her victims and her involvement in the episode is business-like, mildly evasive girl talk with Maria.

Hmmm... I've just remembered that "Maria" is the Japanese name for the Virgin Mary. Mary and Joseph. I spy a possible metaphor in the making.

There's a realistic look at medieval battles, with most of the combatants being conscripted peasants who just want to return to their families. Mercenaries are looked down on. A knight in armour is an opportunity for kidnapping and ransom. Nobody gives a damn about glory or their country, instead at most being interested in how much gold they can get out of it. The witches in particular are actively hostile to patriotism and slogan-waving, with Maria being downright brutal about the Roman Catholic Church's attitude to Joan of Arc. "The church is full of men who are scared of women."

It's anti-fantasy, in pretty much every way. It's anti-moe. No one has a squeaky anime voice. Admittedly there's magic. That looks powerful enough that one wonders why the medieval powers haven't yet enslaved and weaponised these witches in order to win the war, but maybe that's been tried and it failed? Besides, witches have been deemed heretics. Religious bigotry would explain a lot. However I'm interested in where this show's going, with its unglamorous history and its female characters that you could recommend to your feminist friends.

I have low expectations because the show has a low online profile, implying that it has few fans. Furthermore its premise is off-putting. However I thought this episode was good, almost despite itself, and I'll be continuing.

Worrying sign #1: the main character, Eruna Ichinomiya, is a stupid, shallow lesbian who openly drools over every hot babe she meets. She's addicted to her lesbian romance computer games. She's silly, frankly, and not someone you're likely to meet in real life.

Worrying sign #2: her cousin wants to marry her.

Worrying sign #3: she ends up going to a school where the students have magical battles. Why? No idea. The sheer gravitational force of an anime cliche, perhaps.

That said, though, I liked the episode anyway. Eruna's rather good. She's a cartoon lesbian, not a real one, but she's also been given such florid character flaws that she's managing to be a vibrant, engaging protagonist anyway. Her mother's badgering her to start thinking about her future and applying for high schools, but she's ignoring all advice because she's stupid and lazy. She rejects the most obvious choice because the uniform's not cute enough. Mikagura Academy looks good, though! The brochure's got a photo of a pretty girl!

She goes there and against all expectations manages to get through the comedy entrance exam. The written part involved arithmetic that wouldn't trouble a smart four-year-old. The interview she passed by being able to see the interviewer (a magical cat), but our heroine did her unwitting best to fail anyway by stabbing her fingers in his eyes, twanging his face like rubber and criticising his affected verbal tics.

I like her. This is a protagonist I want to keep watching.

The school itself is just as weird. The magical battles seem almost peripheral at the moment, with my main impression so far being of extreme eccentricity. Everyone has to join a school club. If you don't, you'll only be allowed half a shower, your food will be an insult and your bedroom will be a sleeping bag in the corridor. (Guess what happens to Eruna.) The president of the Calligraphy Club carries around a writing brush that's bigger than her. The president of the Going-Home Club hardly ever attends school, coolly talks down bullies and recruits Eruna to replace her in an upcoming battle. (Everything we'd heard about her suggested an emotionally damaged flower, but there's clearly more to her than that.)

It's good. I liked it a lot. I'm probably going to be disappointed when the magical battles start, but so far I'm a fan.

It's a "girls with guns" show, but more cheerfully violent than usual. They're not cops, bodyguards or anything like that. They're the army. They also know nothing of restraint or of the use of minimal force. Purple-Haired Girl drives a tank through our hapless hero's wall and holds him at gunpoint.

There will be grenades, a bazooka and a pump-action shotgun. There will also be panty shot humour and a "pat down for weapons" that turns into a penis joke. I could have lived without those. However the situation with Hapless Hero's father is quite funny and I'm quite looking forward to seeing where this goes.

"Our enemy, the Republic of Grania, is after your life!"

I found it offputting. The otaku don't strike me as likeable and the idols are idols.

It's set in the world of idol fandom. We attend a live idol performance, which looks about as vapid and pointless as you'd imagine. Why are we watching idols? Still more importantly, why are we also watching otaku who are watching idols?

Besides, the show's going out of its way to portray the latter as people you'd cross the street to avoid. The anti-social hikikomori girl (Suuko) disparages a baying male mob and she's right, but she's hardly much more sympathetic. Meanwhile Ryuu-san is a DD ("daredemo daisuki", i.e. "indiscriminate fan of anyone") who dismisses one particular girl with the implication that she'll be a nobody again soon.

I'm not interested in this. It taught me some otaku-related words (e.g. "zaitaku" = "being at home"), but that's about it. Oh, and the dancing idols at the beginning have been animated with particularly cheap CGI, i.e. their terrifying zombie eyes will destroy your sanity.

It's pointless. Three characters stand in front of the camera for five minutes and talk about Halloween costumes. None of the girls ever says anything witty, intelligent or memorable. They're airheads talking about nothing.

However the animation is of very slight interest, since it's a bit disturbing. I assumed it was CGI rendered like stop motion, but in fact these are actual stop motion shorts starring dolls in "a surreal world for girls". At the start, we see freaky coloured punk animal soft toys. They then remove their heads. Inside, they're dolls. These look more human, but only if your definition of "human" includes "huge reflecting insect alien eyes".

This makes one wonder about the Halloween discussion. Is it deliberate? When the girls talk about becoming Frankenstein's monster or zombie nurses, is this actually meant to be playing off how sinister they look? They put on fake scars. Note also the blonde doll's occasional Angry Teeth Mouth, which can't possibly be called cute and reminded me of The Nightmare Before Christmas.

I'd have to watch more episodes to decide what I thought, but unfortunately this would involve watching more episodes. The show's content is too vapid for that.

Yeugh. I watched the start of Season 1 last year. It hasn't improved.

This episode's purpose is "dirty jokes", but in a thudding way that's aiming only for "dirty". I wouldn't call them jokes. Examples include:

(a) "If I'm late for school, I'll meet a pretty girl!"

(b) A lesbian who forcibly gropes other women.

(c) A man who always sticks his face in a girl's boobs when he trips over.

Yes, that's all in two minutes. No, that doesn't leave much room for anything that you or I might want to watch.

The framework for all this is an AD&D-style sword-and-sorcery world, filtered through an anime school series. That genre clash did, in fairness, have the potential to be interesting. (The show's also based on a game, but the closing credits warn us that all the cast's personalities have been changed here and that we should try to forget about the game's originals while watching this anime. I'm sure I'd have found this show funnier if I'd been familiar with that game. I imagine I'd still have hated it, though.)

There's an amusing bit where everyone falls down pit traps. Otherwise, no. Run away.

Miss Monochrome is a robot girl. This is being taken more seriously than usual for anime, since she has a robot voice and charges herself up with batteries. However her objective is to become media vermin. "What can I do to catch up with super idol Kikuko?" "What action should I take to become a super idol?"

I liked the bit where she decides to take her first album on tour. Her manager thinks she means "photo album" and does the tour by pulling her around some villages in a hand cart. Otherwise, though, this looks like an easy one to avoid.

I'm sure the show's quite good. I'd have no objection to watching it. However I've got plenty of other shows in my queue, a third season has just started in 2017 (i.e. it has lots of episodes) and... well, it's Gundam.

Mars wants independence from Earth. Apparently the colonists have almost used up the available natural resources, but they're still economically important to the Earth sphere's economy. Our lower-class heroes are stuck in the wilderness doing mining or something for self-interested bosses, but one day they're promoted to be bodyguards. Princess Kudelia Aina Bernstein is going on a diplomatic mission and (I think) has asked for them. (Why them? How does she know who they are?)

Princess Kudelia has silly anime hair, which clashes with the show's drab, realistic tone and stopped me from being able to concentrate on the dialogue in her first scene. The heroes haven't done much of interest yet, unless you count Mikazuki being cold towards her.

There's fanservice for fangirls. If you like muscles, look no further. There's also a different kind of fanservice (i.e. battle scenes) for mecha fans who want serious mecha action. The bad guys don't like Princess Kudelia, so they're going to send their war machines to wipe out our heroes' base and kill everyone in it. Fortunately our heroes have mecha too, but they're smaller and weaker. They're just piloted mining robots or something, whereas the baddies' forces include three Mobile Suits, which are way bigger and built for battle.

Is the show good? It's fine. The high-ups are all scum, no matter which side they're on, but parents are even worse. Hence the "orphans" in the title, perhaps?

I'm reminded of the start of the previous year's Aldnoah.Zero. Both have an assassination attempt on a princess on a diplomatic mission between Earth and its Martian colonies, plus an emotionless-to-a-fault hero who gives women the chilliest of brush-offs. However this is just ep.1. There's lots more to come. Besides, if I were more familiar with Gundam, I'm sure I'd be seeing lots of parallels with that franchise too.

The mecha genre is struggling these days, which is fine by me. I've been reading online reviews and people seem to like this show. (Well, everyone except the Japanese Broadcasting Ethics and Program Improvement Organization. They had things to say about heroes gunning down captured prisoners and so on, since this is a Sunday afternoon show.) It seems okay. This episode was decent. It also sounds as if the show's going to be tackling tough material like child soldiers, poverty, prostitution, etc. I've also only today read an interesting article analysing Mari Okada's scriptwriting of this show. I wouldn't mind watching this... but it's Gundam. It's about giant robot battles. I might return to it at some point, but for now I'll stick with anime I have more interest in watching.

It's a bit odd.

We begin with some bloke (Ren Homura) breaking his phone and being almost proud of his near-total amnesia. "I don't want to boast, but my memory's a blank slate." He's also talking directly to camera, although not quite directly enough to feel as if the show's breaking the fourth wall. He's just the anime's first-person narrator. He's moved back to his old town (about which he remembers nothing) and he's living with his mother, his little sister and their identical Death Star hairstyles.

His mother tells him about when he wet himself and his sister keeps asking if he's an idiot. Fair question.

He goes to school, which might have the ugliest uniform in anime. He's a transfer student, which he thinks makes him mysterious and cool. A girl in blue is looking at him.

So far, it just felt like a mildly peculiar and self-aware school anime. However we now go off-road with a screeching genre shift, as an evil scientist uploads Monster Strike on to Ren's phone and we discover that this is a monster battle game anime. (Monster Strike became Japan's highest-grossing mobile phone game in 2014 and has daily revenues of about 4.2 million dollars, according to wikipedia.)

The end credits then have a Japanese cover version of Queen's We Will Rock You.

I've never seen a game anime like this before. By that subgenre's standards, it's original, fresh and funny. It's also going to get a feature film. All the signs so far are that it's pretty good. However I don't actually like Ren that much and it is still a mobile phone game, so I'm expecting future episodes to cleave more closely to genre formula. It's on YouTube, if you're interested. I might be tempted at some point, but for now I'll leave it.

It's lovely. It's a romance about which I'd heard lots of good things, including the fact that there's also a live-action film adaptation.

TAKEO GOUDA is a lump of muscle, impulsiveness and inelegance. He has lips like tyres. He's also hot-headed and liable to get in trouble with the police for being comedically protective. If you're the size of a small truck and have a face like King Kong's backside, you're liable to get misunderstood. His best friend is...

MAKOTO SUNAKAWA, who's smooth, beloved by all the girls and callous in how he rejects them all. He has no mercy towards those who fall short of his high standards, which is seemingly all girls everywhere. However he seems fond of Takeo and they've been hanging out together since they were children.

Hmmm. One wonders if Makoto might not be carrying a hidden torch for Takeo. However girls keep coming on to him anyway. After all these years, Takeo now assumes that Makoto will be the target of all female attention and that there's no possibility of anyone taking romantic interest in some ugly loutish colossus. He's not bitter about it, though. He's not introspective. He's always focused on the situation at hand, rather than on hypothetical situations that won't happen. "No point in developing feelings for her. It'll just make it awkward for her."

However there's also a "her", who's...

RINKO YAMATO, who's tiny. A first year in high school and the same age as Takeo, but tiny. Her eyes are level with his belly button. Takeo saves her from a train molester in this episode and she keeps giving him food.

I like romances and this one looks charming. It's also amusing. Takeo could do with work on his self-restraint, especially when he's around food, but that's just what makes him Takeo. I'm looking forward enormously to this one.

I'd meant to watch the first episode of Season 2, but instead watched the last episode of Season 1, which had been broadcast on 5 January and hence was the first episode of 2015. It was okay. It did the job. However its "thieves as children's heroes" concept is enough to get me hissing at it with crucifixes.

Our hero is the Mysterious Joker, but a better translation of "Kaitou" might be "Phantom Thief". He steals and brags about it. "When it comes to grabbing treasure, I won't lose to anyone!" This is meant to be a children's show, but I'd sooner play them A Nightmare on Elm Street. The only reason Joker isn't the villain is because the actual villains are even worse, with his evil twin Shadow Joker having promised to kill all the heroes personally.

This week, Joker and Shadow Joker are fighting the Medusa. She turns lots of their friends to stone, which I hope Joker cares about. (Shadow Joker doesn't.) However she's vulnerable to mirrors! The Jokers lay a trap for her by using their Image Gum to create a perfect replica of a mirror and then moving in synch on either side of it so that each one looks like the other's reflection. This looks exactly like a mirror, but Medusa realises what they've done! It's not a mirror... but why shouldn't it be? If their Image Gum can create a perfect three-dimensional copy of the real thing, why shouldn't it be able to reflect light in the usual way and actually be a mirror?

Oh, and the Medusa's death revives all her victims. Theoretically that's silly too, but it's also normal in this kind of runaround. It's a kids' show, after all. Mind you, burning the Medusa to death in lava is a bit more extreme than I'd expected.

Everyone seems to be named after playing cards: Joker, Queen Diamond, Roko (meaning "6"), Hachi (meaning "8"), Silver Heart, Professor Clover (i.e. clubs), etc. A straight flush comes up, while the end credits are also card-themed.

This is a successful show, with four seasons so far. Had I seen it when I was a child, I'm sure I'd have enjoyed it. It's an efficient kiddie adventure, with one funny bit when Silver Heart's bullshitting about knowing the way out of the labyrinth. As an adult, though, I dislike it intensely. I dislike Lupin for more or less the same reason and that's not even a children's show. When our thieving hero floated away gloating on his gum bubble at the end, I wanted him to fall and die.

Obviously it's a must-watch if you've seen Season 1. If you haven't, go off and watch that first.

Hikki, Yukinon and Yui are still in the Service Club, aka. the school's unofficial sanitarium for the socially challenged. They have to help people with problems. Their teacher said so. This week, someone comes asking for dating advice, which is a bit like asking single-celled amoebae about Beethoven.

The voice actors are all the same as two years earlier, but the art's changed. (Different studio.) It's more realistic. More time and money has been spent. You could say "better", although I think the results look less distinctive. Hikki looks downright normal. He's less fish-eyed, which is unfortunate since that's his main visual trait, but on the other hand his face now expresses more subtleties. You can sometimes read his true feelings under that cynical front. Similarly, Yui's breasts have shrunk. It's quite impressive to look at, but of course the caveat is that ep.1 is traditionally an expensive showcase. We'll see how the other episodes look, but in fairness this season has announced its intentions clearly.

It's still a good show. It made me laugh. It's still got those probably doomed romantic undercurrents, in which Hikki's pride in being alienated makes him his own worst enemy. Different forces are pushing in different directions. So far, recommended.

I was watching the uncensored version, apparently. (Ears prick up.)

The episode begins with a buxom girl (Ui Wakana) campaigning for the post of Student Council President. "I will make a strong push for the liberation of love!" she announces, throwing condoms into the air. She wins the election. Meanwhile her vice-president (Hayato Izumi) is a stick-in-the-mud who disapproves of her antics, but still plans to do his job dutifully. (He'd been running for president too, but obviously he lost.)

That evening, Ui comes around to Hayato's house and tells him she's his wife. What's more, she sort of is. Their parents arranged it years ago, while they were still infants, but Hayato's father never got around to telling him. Whoops. Forget my own head next. This is liable to happen in animeland, which for this and many other reasons would be a deeply worrying place if it were real.

Hayato's appalled, but Ui's fine with it. She's on his bed and finding his porn mags. Hayato tries to scare her off by getting too hot and heavy, which seems ill-judged given the "throwing condoms into the audience" stunt. It ends up in nipple-sucking, which is where the censorship would come in. About three seconds later, Ui's asleep, which I think might suggest some flaws in Hayato's technique.

It's harmless. Lewd, absurd and fanservicey, but harmless. Ui somehow doesn't look completely grown up to me, despite her boobs, but not in a scary paedophile way. She's just a teenager. Also the title sequence is exactly what you're imagining, with one boy, five girls and cleavage.

I'm told that Season 2 gets even pervier.