If you can think of it, there's porn of it. This is true, unfortunately. Thus there is inevitably superhero porn, of which this is the best-known recent example. Recently it's even become fashionable, with other examples being BatFXXX
and The Justice League of Pornstar Heroes
, but Batman XXX (i.e 30?) is the one that got there first.
I was expecting this to be rubbish. "Porn Parody" I assumed really meant "rip-off under the name of parody for the sake of sidestepping copyright law and stopping DC from suing." Believe it or not, though, it's good.
Its problem of course is the sex, which is boring. It's a two-hour movie that's over 75% fornication. I realise that it's silly to watch pornography and complain about all the sex, but what the hell. It's dead air, with nothing to offer if you've already, ahem, used your tissues. In addition I don't even think it's good pornography, since it bizarrely fails to be sexy. It's mechanical. They're obviously porn stars, doing a job, and no one's even trying to persuade you otherwise. Never for a moment did they remind me of human beings. You can believe I'm biased if you like (and I probably am), but to me it seems obvious that Japanese sleaze is better. Also often freaky and disturbing, yes, but it's normal for instance for their adult videos to start with the actress talking about herself for twenty minutes to make the audience feel they've got to know her as a person.
Disappointingly there's also no gay sex. I mean, it's Batman and Robin. The only reason not to go there would be if you thought it was too obvious a target.
Fortunately though there's a sex-free version of the film on the DVD as an extra. I believe it's about 25 minutes long, which is way better than two hours. Presumably it still has nudity, but I presume that won't be a problem if you're still reading this far and the important thing is that you won't have to mess about with the fast-forward button.
What's good about the film is how affectionate it is. It's not just generic Batman, but specifically the 1960s Adam West TV show. The budget was 100,000 dollars, which is a lot for pornography. They hired one of the original show's Batmobile cars and used the same fabric and dyes for their costumes. It's not just the superhero outfits either, but the 1960s feel of the girls at the disco and even the way they dance. (Batman dances the Batusi!) This is incredibly well done. All this attention to detail would be impressive even if this weren't pornography, although of course the source material they're emulating was itself a 1960s TV series and so you've also got bland-looking sets painted in pastel colours and superheroes walking up a wall through the cunning technique of turning the camera on its side.
Then you've got the actors, who surprisingly are great.
1. Dale DaBone is doing an Adam West pastiche so good that twice he made me laugh. He's fantastic. He's nailed the straight-faced camp and he turns all of his scenes into the right kind of comedy just by being in them.
2. James Deen is too chiselled and dashing for my idea of Robin, but he's exactly on target with his Burt Ward ejaculations (sorry) and somehow he manages to seem earnest and innocent despite the obvious challenges.
3. Randy Spears's Joker is kind of disturbing. He's certainly scarier than both Cesar Romero and Jack Nicholson. He's this big angry-looking guy you'd probably cross the street to avoid, who's even going so far as to imitate Romero in having a moustache under his white Joker make-up. (Apparently he's clean-shaven in the DVD extras, which means he grew it specifically for the role.)
4. Evan Stone actually looks like Frank Gorshin as the Riddler, although I don't remember Gorshin being quite that manic. I couldn't always follow Stone's dialogue. Coincidentally Stone has since played Batman in The Justice League of Pornstar Heroes
5. The girls are fine. Not brilliant, but okay. Lexi Belle is perky and likeable as Batgirl, although I wouldn't say Tori Black was a great Catwoman.
The plot's nothing special. It's an episode of the 1960s series, with the only point of interest being the production's fidelity to and obvious affection for the source material. They're recreating details, like the celebrity cameo when Batman and Robin are walking up a wall. (The original show abandoned these for its third season, but in its first two years you'd have Batman having a chat with anyone from Santa Claus or Edward G. Robinson to Lurch from The Addams Family. Here it's Ron Jeremy.) The film's only false note is a one-line cameo from Commissioner Gordon's secretary, who clearly hasn't got into the spirit of things, but that just shows how consistent everyone else is. It has charm. It's even funny. I've heard that BatFXXX
is a better Batman story, but I was pleasantly surprised here.
Apparently it was the best-selling and best-renting porn of 2010. That'll be because it's witty and good.
"A large grapefruit juice, please."