- Valkyrie Drive: Mermaid
- Season 1
- Episodes: 12 x 24 minutes
- Keep watching: good grief, no
- One-line summary: lesbian molestation transforms girls into weapons
It's like a scientific experiment in how far one can take brazen exploitation. Girls are being fired in torpedoes at desert islands. (Every character in this show is female and they almost all have boobs that are either big, huge or ridiculous. They also don't tend to wear many clothes.) The main character is an insipid, simpering girl called Mamori Tokonome whose surname is spelled "virgin".
There are two kinds of girl. Exters can transform into weapons if brought to a state of sexual arousal, while Liberateurs trigger those transformations with whatever turns the Exters on. (Mamori doesn't know about any of this. She's got a surprise or two coming.) We thus see one bikini beach groping, one instance of sado-masochistic abuse and one outright sex scene, although the latter's cut short (-ish) by Mamori turning into a sword.
Oh, and the losers in the ensuring fight might lose all their clothes. Mind you, the winners shouldn't expect to preserve much modesty either.
The nearest this show gets to a male presence is an amusingly phallic tower in the sea at the beginning, with white foam breaking around it. Men would be an encumbrance. They'd take up screen space that could instead be given to boobs. On hearing about this show, I hoped that it might be a camp classic and so ludicrous that it was unmissable, but I was disappointed and it really is just trash. Mamori kills it, I think. She's meant to be the Nice Girl Heroine, but she's bland and whiny. The only justification for a show like this would be for it to be funny, but ep.1 doesn't get there.
- Vampire Holmes
- Season 1
- Episodes: 12 x 3 minutes
- Keep watching: hell no
- One-line summary: lame Sherlock Holmes parody
"This is a story about the great detective Holmes who doesn't use deductive reasoning or solve mysteries." That's the show's introduction. The title sequence (and title!) also suggest that he's a vampire, but there's no sign of that in the episode. Maybe he isn't yet? Instead the "joke" is that Holmes can't be bothered doing detective work and is bad at even the trivial cases he does take when he needs money. Ho ho ho. We also meet a Watson-a-like called Hudson, which may or may not imply a link with Mrs Hudson.
I quite liked the title sequence. I then fell out of love with the show at record speed and became hostile during the scene of Holmes telling Hudson not to stand on him. Nothing's quite as painful as failed comedy. Do not watch this show.
- Venus Project Climax
- Season 1
- Episodes: 6 x 24 minutes
- Keep watching: no no no no no... hang on, it's only six episodes? Yeah, okay.
- One-line summary: idol pop concert that involves magical robot battles
- I've since finished it and... it's surprisingly good
It begins ludicrously. There's an idol singing contest. (This meant immediately that I didn't expect to be watching any more episodes.) They're dressed as witches. Then giant robots appear behind them and have a battle.
In other words, it's a train wreck of two incompatible genres, which someone's decided to mash together. Unconvincingly.
We then get a girl (Eriko) running down the road. Someone throws her an apple! Then other people throw her a whole loaf of bread (unsliced), a raw cabbage and a big cube of tofu. Is this a parody? Shortly afterwards, Eriko will be hungry again (eh?) and eat breakfast. Later still, she'll devour some cake. Eriko is some kind of insane black hole of food and either she's got the world's fastest metabolism or that shapely figure of hers is about to bloat out to become a zeppelin.
Despite all this, though, I found myself enjoying the episode.
Eriko's a nice girl. She's befriended the children at an orphanage. She and her fellow idol trainee (Miu) are also very worried about their coach, who's in hospital. Miu has a limousine and a chauffeur, but she seems terribly well brought up and demure. With difficulty she manages to stop herself from going to visit their coach, who'd given them strict instructions to stay away. Eriko goes barging in there anyway and gets shouted at. (Their coach doesn't take fools lightly.)
We learn more about the idol contest. Over-the-top costumes! Girls with big boobs! A small boy in the orphanage who might as well be called Basil Exposition! This very very very ridiculous contest has reached the quarter-finals, so we have eight cute pop star wannabes who are going to sing at each other while pounding giant robots into scrap.
Oh, and yet again the end credits are live-action. You will see the biggest bow tie ever and some cute voice actresses.
To tell the truth, this show actually looks quite good. I like the characters. They're nice. There's nothing special about it, but I'm looking forward to the impending contest. The show's basic concept is absurd... but hey, it's anime. You'd swear that title would have to be pornography, though.